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<title>You Get Me Closer To God by Calamity_Hero_Awakens</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596639">You Get Me Closer To God</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calamity_Hero_Awakens/pseuds/Calamity_Hero_Awakens'>Calamity_Hero_Awakens</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Closer [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Saw (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Grinding, Hand Jobs, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Psychological Trauma, Recovery, Romantic Fluff, Short &amp; Sweet, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:14:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,318</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calamity_Hero_Awakens/pseuds/Calamity_Hero_Awakens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Since becoming lovers, Lawrence had made it clear to Adam that he wanted to help in any way possible. Most of the time, that help came in the form of whispered reassurances late at night after jarring nightmares; other times, it was in the simple squeeze of the hand or a reminder of “I love you”; and still, other times it simply boiled down to the two of them being together.<br/>"I need you," Adam had pleaded.<br/>And it had been during a particularly bad night that Lawrence had suggested something.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Closer [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Get Me Closer To God</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a sequel to “My Whole Existence Is Flawed” so if you haven’t read that, I recommend reading that first. It’s not long so it won’t take long to read, but it’s not required to understand this. If you’re just here for the sexy times tho, I get that too. So welcome!<br/>This is my second work in this fandom and my first smut for the fandom, so feedback is appreciated, but simply giving kudos is more than enough &lt;3<br/>Both story titles and the series title are taken from the song “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails (which I highly recommend if you still haven’t heard it)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Since the incident - Adam couldn’t stand to call it anything else - months before, the younger male had become more dependent. He hated the dependence; countless times he had stayed up at night gazing at the relaxed face of his partner and loathing himself for the burden he felt he was becoming. Lawrence had insisted and reassured him innumerable times that he wasn’t a burden and for the most part, Adam had gradually grown to believe him, but that didn’t stop the doubt that occasionally managed to seep in through the cracks in his mind.</p><p><em>For God’s sake</em>, he’d internally lament, <em>the man sawed off his own foot, and I’m the one that has to be consoled.</em></p><p>Since becoming lovers, Lawrence had realized Adam’s dependency and growing self consciousness and had quickly made it clear that he wanted to help in any way possible, a sentiment that Adam reciprocated in full. Most of the time, that came in the form of whispered reassurances late at night after jarring nightmares; other times, it was in the simple squeeze of the hand or a reminder of “I love you” whenever one would get the faraway, distant look that always meant they were overthinking; and still, other times it simply boiled down to the two of them being together.</p><p>It had been during a particularly bad night that Lawrence had suggested something.</p><p>“Focus on me,” he had said. “Feel my hands cupping your cheeks; feel how warm they are? Good. Now hear my voice. Nothing’s going to hurt you. I promise, Adam. I’m here to protect you now.”</p><p>This form of reassurance had quickly become the duo’s favourite. Regardless of who was helping who, the two always felt more connected, relaxed, and in sync during and afterward. Sometimes the ritual had consisted of one talking the other through it and sometimes it consisted of gentle, grounding touches. The two weren’t sure when the hushed words and purposeful touches had progressed to something much more intimate than it had already been but those moments still held the same meanings and purpose.</p><p>🔗🔗🔗🔒🔗🔗🔗</p><p>“I need you,” Adam pleaded, standing in the doorway to the couple’s shared bedroom. His wide eyes were glassy with unshed tears from yet another nightmare and his frame trembled with involuntary shivers.</p><p>Sitting on the couch, Lawrence was quick to call him over.</p><p>When he had arrived home from work over an hour earlier, he had found his boyfriend asleep on their bed. For once, he seemed to be sleeping peacefully and Lawrence hadn’t the heart to wake him for dinner when he had finished preparing the meal.</p><p>Seated on the couch watching the television, the blonde doctor immediately abandoned the uninteresting visuals on the screen in favour of focusing on his significant other. As Adam crossed the small distance of the living space, his hands restlessly fidgeted at his sides; his fingers tapped his thigh frantically, balled into fists before flexing, and nervously tugged at the bottom hem of his boxer briefs. His eyes darted from the television set to the setting sun outside the windows to his boyfriend.</p><p>Standing in front of Lawrence, his large doe eyes portraying how frantic he really felt, Adam finally wrapped his arms around himself, grabbing his upper arms and squeezing as if to hold himself together.</p><p>Lawrence wasted no time in reaching out and pulling his hands away from his arms, taking the digits into his as he placed a gentle kiss to the knuckles.</p><p>“Let me help you,” the doctor requested, “in any way I can.”</p><p>“I just want to forget,” Adam whispered, his hands shaking in the other’s grip. “Distract me, please, Lawrence.”</p><p>Little encouragement was needed for the dark haired male to take a seat on the blonde’s lap, his legs on either side of the doctor’s. As Adam’s hands redirected to his lover’s shoulders, he made another plea.</p><p>“Anchor?” he said, the word coming out as a question instead. Lawrence quickly nodded his head to the familiar word and moved to wrap his arms around Adam’s waist, pulling them so that they were chest to chest with nothing separating them but the thin cloth of their shirts. It took some maneuvering but the two had done the action so many times that it was practically second nature. With Adam’s legs on either side of Lawrence, the blonde shifted to the side; one arm supported Adam’s lower back while the other kept them supported as he moved so that his partner was laid back on the couch, Adam’s hands gripping the fabric of Lawrence’s shirt tightly and his legs shifting to lock around his lover’s waist.</p><p>“Anchor,” Adam mumbled, mostly to himself, as Lawrence slowly lowered his body weight until he was pressed on top of him. Among the different things they had tried, Adam had found that one of his favourites was when he was beneath his partner. With Lawrence completely draped over top of him, he was shielded on all sides; the intense yet comforting weight of his boyfriend kept him grounded and in the present, anchored to reality and allowing little space for his mind to wander.</p><p>The two remained in that position for several minutes before Adam’s large eyes met Lawrence’s.</p><p>“It’s not enough,” he tearfully admitted, the fear clear in his voice which only upset him even more. He was supposed to be stronger than this.</p><p>“It’s okay,” Lawrence murmured, lowering his face to Adam’s to place several slow, soft kisses across his skin, beginning with his cheeks. “I’m here, Adam. What am I doing?”</p><p>“You’re k-kissing me,” Adam replied, trying and failing to keep his voice from wavering.</p><p>“Do you have a preference for where I kiss you?” Lawrence gently asked.</p><p>Adam was quick to respond, “Mouth.”</p><p>With their eyes closed, their noses bumped gently before their lips brushed. Before they even met in a kiss, Adam was breathing a shaky sigh of relief. Soft lips met once in a gentle kiss, then twice, a third time. With every kiss, Adam felt an ounce of his fear leak out of his body, but as their kisses grew longer and more purposeful, Adam realized that the soft kisses wouldn’t be enough either.</p><p>Lawrence could sense Adam’s increasing tension.</p><p>“Tell me what else you need,” he encouraged in a calm, low voice that effectively soothed his partner.</p><p>“Touch me. Everywhere,” Adam breathed into the crook of Lawrence’s neck, his eyes still closed. “Need to feel you everywhere.”</p><p>Following instructions, the blonde doctor’s hands moved; his left one sunk into the couch cushion beside Adam’s head as he propped himself up enough so that he could feel his lover’s body. Their lower halves pressed together, continuing to keep them grounded as Lawrence’s free hand gently pressed against Adam’s chest. His fingers were delicate in their movements as they firmly but gently pressed into the soft flesh covered by Adam’s dark blue shirt. As several more kisses were placed on his lips, the younger male let out a shaky breath.</p><p>“You’re alright, nothing can hurt you,” Lawrence reassured, his hand slowly drifting down to Adam’s hip, providing the other ample time to stop him if he needed. Burying his face in the other’s dark hair, Lawrence began quietly humming as he slipped his thumb under the waistband of Adam’s underwear, rubbing the space where the elastic had indented his flesh, in a soothing gesture.</p><p>Adam let out a light, breathy chuckle as his lover’s face nuzzled his hair.</p><p>“I recognize that song,” he quietly said. “You and your shitty classical music.”</p><p>All previous traces of fear had completed disappeared from his body and he seemed much more relaxed but it was obvious from the way he was still clutching his boyfriend’s shirt that he wasn’t ready to let go yet. Nevertheless, a little bit of his sarcastic personality had returned which comforted Lawrence.</p><p>“Nocturne in E Flat Major, Opera Nine, Number Two,” Lawrence spouted off with a chuckle before he resumed humming.</p><p>A laugh formed in Adam’s throat but died before it could escape, a quiet moan taking its place. Lawrence’s large hand had edged closer and closer to the area between Adam’s legs, his fingertips brushing over the pale skin in a suggestive way, until he was finally ghosting his fingertips over his lover’s half hard arousal.</p><p>A spark of doubt and fear seemed to ignite in the brunette and he finally released Lawrence’s shirt to cup his face.</p><p>The doctor’s hand froze, waiting for permission to continue before he moved.</p><p>“Anchor,” Adam reminded, his hands trembling in just the slightest. The blonde shifted slowly to drape himself back over his boyfriend.</p><p>“Do you want to stop?” he asked, placing an innocent kiss to the younger’s temple.</p><p>“No, I’m okay,” Adam shakily breathed. “Just, stay on top of me please.”</p><p>Placing another kiss to Adam’s face, Lawrence moved his hands to either side of Adam’s head to lift himself up enough that he could be on top of his boyfriend while also supporting most of his weight evenly so that he didn’t crush Adam.</p><p>“You can continue,” the photographer finally said once he was ready. “I want to feel you. All of you.”</p><p>Understanding his lover’s meaning, Lawrence tentatively pressed his hips against Adam’s, drawing a satisfied moan from said man’s throat. The brunette’s hands moved to the back of the doctor’s neck to pet soothingly down his neck and shoulder, earning a content sigh. Another roll of his hips had Adam’s fingers winding into the blonde locks and oh-so-lightly tugging his hair as Lawrence placed another kiss to the male’s chin.</p><p>“Take off our pants,” Adam meekly requested, his eyelids fluttering in the slight pleasure that was quickly becoming too little.</p><p>The older of the two sat up just long enough to shuck off his pants and underwear and Adam’s boxers and to place a few wet kisses to the photographer’s stomach before covering his boyfriend with his own body once more. Their naked lower halves pressed together wonderfully and Adam let a small moan slip as he wrapped his legs around Lawrence’s waist again, his arms wrapping around the doctor’s and gently gripping the backs of his upper arms.</p><p>“Go soft,” Adam instructed, squeezing his partner’s arms gently. Said partner placed several more lazy kisses to his face and lips as he rutted against his lover, their cocks rubbing deliciously. Adam’s head tilted back, his eyes closing as his lips parted slightly in a silent moan. Lawrence took the opportunity to kiss his way down the brunette’s neck to the collar bones that were barely visible under the neckline of his shirt.</p><p>As the doctor pressed their clothed chests together and rolled his hips into the photographer’s, both of the men let out a moan. Adam’s eyes fluttered open only to close again with the next firm press of hips. Laboured breaths escaped the blonde’s mouth which hung open the slightest bit as he watched his lover slowly come apart beneath him.</p><p>“I’ve got you,” Lawrence nearly panted as the pleasure built. “I’ve got you."</p><p>“Lawrence,” Adam breathed out, his voice somewhere between a whisper and a groan as his eyes cracked open just enough so that he could catch a glimpse of the handsome doctor above him. A low moan bubbled from Adam’s throat at the sight of his lover poised above him, his blonde hair nearly blocking Adam’s view of his eyes, and he quickly shut his eyes again as he burned the image into his memory.</p><p>Stabilizing himself over Adam on one hand and his knees, Lawrence reached one large hand down to grip them both, quickly jerking them both off. Adam keened at the new and delightful friction, a huff leaving his parted lips as his head rose enough so that he could lock eyes with his partner. Both brown and blue eyes were glazed over with pleasure as the two rocked their hips into the doctor’s hand which glided up and down their shafts in a quick rhythm.</p><p>Ankles locked behind his partner’s knees for leverage, Adam gripped Lawrence’s arms a little tighter. He was so close and Lawrence’s hand was so hot and the weight pressing down on top of him was safe and perfect and oh fuck.</p><p>All it took for Adam to finish was his lover’s breathless groan of, “I love you, Adam. You’re safe, you’re safe.”</p><p>With a sharp inhale and high pitched whine, the photographer froze in place as he came against his stomach, some splattering against the lower hem of his shirt, and into Lawrence’s hand. Gazing down at Adam, his dark hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, his large eyes staring at the doctor in pure adoration, and his face the most beautiful shade of ecstasy, it took only a few more strokes for Lawrence to come, Adam shivering at the overstimulation.</p><p>Panting heavily, the two began to come down from their highs. Adam relaxed back into the soft fabric of the overstuffed and overpriced couch while Lawrence slowly lowered himself on top of Adam once again. The sticky mess between them was only a minor inconvenience; they would clean up shortly, but neither was ready to get up just yet.</p><p>“Do you feel better?” the blonde asked before he placed a soft kiss right below Adam’s eye.</p><p>“Yeah,” Adam mumbled, his eyelids heavy but a happy, satisfied smile on his face. The doctor’s clean hand came up to brush Adam’s sweaty bangs to the side in a heartwarming gesture.</p><p>“Good,” Lawrence replied, watching as Adam fought to stay awake. “I’ll clean us up, alright? You can go back to sleep. I’ll be right here.”</p><p>“Okay. I love you, Lawrence.”</p><p>“I love you too, Adam.”</p><p>Lawrence didn’t move until he was certain that Adam was asleep and, for the first time since the whole ordeal, the photographer slept without nightmares to plague him.</p>
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